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讨好型人格的自我重建之旅-《突围原生家庭》
作者:Monk 发布时间:2020-06-18 11:29:10
原生家庭是一个非常大热的话题了,如果说自媒体贩卖的焦虑有一斤,那这个话题所占的分量怎么也有半斤八两了。其实一直有了解,所以清楚知道自己的所有现在的性格大多是由于原生家庭的缘故,也曾经想着去改变,去与我的母亲交谈这些事情,比如我的兄长在我的童年生活中扮演着没有分量的地位,我的父亲是一个脾气温和,没啥特殊成就的中年男子,我的母亲倔强,优秀但是强势。因为我的哥哥比较温和的性格,我的母亲便倾注了更多的关心和照顾给他,但是因为他闷闷的性格,与他的交谈也算是很少,赶不上自己的好朋友的千分之一。所以我在我人生成年之后曾经成功的将我的母亲“说”哭了两次,导致我想靠交谈,解决我内心困惑问题的想法泡汤,因为我是一个比较“自私的”人,喜欢把事情讲清楚,不想把自己憋死,希望讲出来自己好受,因为小时候承受的痛苦与压力太多,有点扛不住,我的母亲就已经受不了,所以在大学想要去探索解决自己的问题。
西格蒙德·弗洛伊德是第一个分析内心结构的人。现代心理学所说的内心小孩,弗洛伊德把他称为“本我”,而成年自我被称为“自我”。另外他还创造了所谓的“超我”。超我是内心的道德,现代心理学称他为“父母自我”或“内心的批判家”。如果你处在内心的批判家模式,那么内心的对话就会是这样的:“别做这种傻事!你什么都不是!你什么都做不了!你一无是处!”小时候做为留守儿童,所以对照书,我内心的阴影小孩是一个比较偏向于讨好型人格。而一个好的原生家庭的标准,是分成四个部分:关系需求,在这一方面,我是留守儿童,且是属于寄人篱下的状态,在叔叔家住,所以基本上是得不到任何关爱,小时候奶奶不是很喜欢我,因为我是计划生育到我母亲娘家生的,外婆带我到了3岁才回来。以前暑假都会到父母工作的地方,临走都会哭着不想走,想想那时的自己真的很真实;第二个方面是独立和掌控需求,我的母亲为了让我初中到城里的初中念书,六年级就开始在离家500米的学校住宿,所以初一开始一路到大学都十分适应群居和独立的生活,以至于我觉得他们在的时候很难受,大学也没让他们送。“另一种极端的情况是,他们会走向反面,跟自已的父母决绝地划清界限,想要独立自由地生活,极力想要控制并实施权力,这或许就是孩子叛逆的根源。”很害怕自己已经有这样的趋向,而且这种情况最不好地方,在于自己已经有些害怕这种亲密关系的建立,害怕被伤害与伤害;第三个方面,没有父母在身边的生活大部分还是快乐的,有一起玩的同学,有想要做好的事情,感觉不会很无聊;第四个方面就是自我价值和渴望被认同的需求,这个方面是因为为了讨好我的家人,做个学习成绩优秀的人,一直到高一都觉得读书是读给家长的,是为了让我妈高兴,因为学习成绩好了,会得到认同和价值感提升,所以会更加努力学习,也感谢不放弃的自己!
接下来书中就是介绍一些发现自己的信念,怎样认识自己心中阴影小孩和阳光小孩的方法,我是觉得可以找自己关系最好的朋友,帮你去做,可以做好好找出自己的内心。我这边想重点说几句我很喜欢的总结的话:乖孩子很可能是因为在原生家庭里受的伤;你现在的情绪失控,都是原生家庭的痛;希望书中的方法,大家可以去尝试,如果有问题也可以找我一起聊一下;
最后也要有个总结性的文字,我们这种讨好型人格的人,其实现实生活都活得很快乐,至少在别人看来,我们会成为一个脾气好的好人,但是内心却藏着一个憋屈的灵魂。就很像云南的天气(我超爱云南,无任何贬低意思)中午的时候看着烈日当空,晴空万里,但是你只要走到阴影,哪里阴凉无比,希望每个我们都能够成为热带的天气,该晴就晴,该雨就雨,毕竟人生是过给自己的,只有你自己过好,照顾好自己,才能够有能力去照顾别人,或者说自己过好了,让爱你的人,让曾经无意伤害你的家人能够放心。
The Symbols in Araby
作者:Leo Wu 发布时间:2007-05-14 16:18:28
In literature, a symbol is a thing that stands for or suggests something else by reason of relationship, association, convention or accidental resemblance, especially a visible sign of something invisible. [1] Sometimes, symbols are created by the artists in their works. And by using them, the artists can interpret the objective world in a subjective perspective. So symbolism is an important means for a writer to create excellent works.
As in the novel Araby, James Joyce used large amounts of symbolic imageries to create a typical setting, help the plots develop and indicate the hero’s characteristics. By analyzing the symbols in Araby, we can have a deep insight into the story and know the main theme in Dubliners better. And the symbols are as follows:
1.
Blind
The North Richard Street was “blind”, and “I” used a blind to hide myself from being seen by Mangan’s sister. These are the two “blind” used in the novel.
The first one is an adjective, which means that the street is closed at one end. As it’s a blind street, people living in the street are difficult to communicate with the ones outside. So it indicates the station of un-open up of Dublin as well as Ireland. But the people living in the street are all pleased with the situation. [2] So the boy wished to get away from it. This helps the plot develop.
As for the second “blind”, it is a noun. By using the blind, Mangan’s sister couldn’t see me. However, the blind also prevented me from seeing her clearly. This indicates that the boy’s dream was only a childish dream (Mangan’s sister); it is hard to be realized for “I” only “watched it from a blind”.
2.
Mangan’s sister
Mangan’s sister was the girl to whom “I” had paid lots of attention; “I” watched her secretly; “I kept her brown figure always in my eye”; and when “I” was doing stranger prayers that “I” didn’t understand, her name sprang to my lips.
These are all telling that Mangan’s sister is the boy’s dream, or his idol. But in the whole novel, the girl’s name hasn’t appeared. Why? Because what “I” know about my dream is only something superficial. My dream is just like the temple in the air, forming in the boy’s mind without any deep thinking or any deep understanding. “I” liked Mangan’s sister just as I liked The Memoirs of Vidocq, a book I found in the priest’s remains---“I liked the last best because its leaves were yellow.”
This agrees with the boy’s age and his experience. He was a boy on the way of growing up and forming his own views of the society. But he was still too young to have a good understanding of the real world. Although we know that his dream could be easily broken, the most important thing is that he had a dream. This is also important for the Irishmen who were under the control of the British government then.
3.
The North Richmond Street
The street was blind. Besides, the surroundings were all unpleasant. My house was full of “musty air”. The houses in the street “had grown sombre”. When my aunt and “I” went marketing, we were “jostled by drunken men and bargaining women, amid the curse…”
As James Joyce said, the main theme of the novels in Dubliners was paralysis. And the condition of the North Richmond Street was a good proof for it. But in the whole Ireland as well, all the streets were almost the same. So Joyce turned to voluntary-exile to get rid of the unpleasant thing in Ireland. So do the boy in the novel. He had a strong hatred for the street, as is demonstrated by the sentence “I was thankful that I could see (the street) so little.”
So the street was a symbol for the whole Ireland.
4.
Araby
In the novel, the word “Araby” plays an important role, as it is the title word. And Araby is “a splendid bazaar” where Mangan’s sister recommended me to go.
Araby is an old name for Arab. Besides, in the novel, it “cast an Eastern enchantment over me”. So Araby is a place with the Oriental fragrance in Dublin. And we can also see that the boy had a strong desire to make a trip there. So we can conclude that Araby is a dream new world for the boy, as Mangan’s sister is a fairy who guild the boy there.
However, it seems that the other people, especially the elder people living in the street paid little attention to my desire. And my uncle just “answered me curtly” when “I” told him my plan to Araby. And he also went home too late that night to let me go to Araby on time. So this indicates again that Dubliners as well as the Irishmen were all paralyzed. They paid little attention to their dreams. [3] And they were well intentioned but narrow in the views and blind to higher values. This is what Joyce felt disappointed of.
To our delight, my aunt indeed cared about my wish for Araby and blamed my uncle for being late. This shows that Joyce want to hold his wish for the future of Ireland. And when “I” got a florin from my uncle, “I” went to Araby immediately. However on my way there, the condition seemed to be a bit unpleasant. The train was “deserted”, “bare” and it had “an intolerable delay”. Even when the train started “slowly”, “it crept onward among ruinous houses”. These all indicate the difficulties one will confront on his way to the dream place. But anyhow at last “I” arrived at Araby late at night.
But Araby, the dream new world for the boy, turned out to be “darkness” and “silence”. And the people who served me at the stall spoke to her customer “out of a sense of duty”. This all disappointed me.
And there is a casual dialogue between two men and a woman in the novel. This dialogue had no special setting or surprising ending, but it was so real that when we read the words, we can imagine the scene in our mind. [4] But it is the dialogue, in addition with the other things the boy met in Araby, that disappointed me. So this is an allusion of the life of the young adults in Dublin who own the characteristic of ignorance and conventionalism.
One the whole, the bazaar Araby indicates that even when the Irishmen were chasing their dream, they would be disappointed just because of their own society and their blind to the bright future. So Joyce became sad about the reality.
5.
The priest
At the beginning of the novel, we know that a priest had been a tenant of the boy’s home. “He (the priest) had been a very charitable priest”, and he “had left all his money to the institutions and the furniture of his house to his sister”. So in this way, the priest was indeed a good citizen of Dublin.
Besides, form the names of the books that “I” found, (The Abbot, The Devout Communicant and The Memoirs of Vidocq), of which one is about religion and two are about exploration, we can see that the priest was also an imaginative person. So he had given his life to both piety and flights of imaginations.
However, the priest had gone, just like his “rusty bicycle-pump”, deserted and forgotten by other Dubliners. If all the good citizens had all gone away, how could Dublin be a good city? So the priest is a symbol of ht vital past, a contrast to the “blind” and paralyzed present. It tells us that the freedom of the Ireland has gone and people then had no passion for a bright future.
On the other hand, the priest was also a symbol for religion belief because of his special status. In fact from the analysis before, we know that the priest was a man full of imagination. But in fact, a priest should be conventional. So this imaginative priest indicates Joyce’s doubt of the belief of Catholicism. [5]
6.
Other subtle Symbols
Besides the major symbols in Araby, there are still some subtle ones that could not be ignored.
At the beginning of the novel, we can see “a central apple tree” in a “wild garden behind the house”. On seeing the words “Apple tree”, we can immediately think of the myth between Adam and Swan in the Garden of Eden. In this novel, the apple tree id a symbol for the boy’s first love as well as a wish to try something new. [5] But the tree was in a “wild garden behind the house”. The condition was so oppressed that the tree might not grow up robustly. This means that a trial for a new thing wasn’t encouraged by the Irish society, and the boy’s love towards Mangan’s sister couldn’t breed some results.
Also at the beginning, “light form the kitchen windows had filled the areas”. (There are also some other descriptions of the light, such as “Some distant lamp or lighted window gleamed over me.”) From the analysis before, we know that the dark blind street is a symbol for Ireland. So here the light becomes a symbol for the country’s future. However, the light was from the kitchen window. How dim, how subtle! So Joyce here indicates the gloomy future for his own country.
Besides, the “chalice” is mentioned when “I” went marketing with my aunt: “I imagined that I bore my chalice safely through the throng of foes.” Here the “chalice” is a symbol for the belief of Catholicism.
James Joyce is famous for the using of “stream of consciousness” method in his works. But he is also good at setting proper background, creating symbols and using allusions. From the novel Araby, we can see a lot of symbols were created by Joyce and they located everywhere in the texts.
However different people will read Joyce’s works form different perspective. So all the symbols listed above are just my own understanding of the novel Araby with the help of my teacher Miss Gao Fen and the works listed below. And I want to quote Professor Derek Attridge’s words to end my paper: “Joyce’s writing can reveal sources of fascination and exhilaration which you were not expecting to find, and if you feel at times that Joyce is laughing at you just as much as you are laughing at him, you have begun to appreciate the delightfully unsettling energies of his art.”
Notes:
[1]:邓绪新,英语文学概论,武汉:武汉大学出版社,2002 P155-158
[2]:张秀清,《现实与梦想的差距——〈阿拉比〉的现实主义与象征主义双重层面解读》,福建行政学院福建经济管理干部学院学报,2004年增刊,P 160-162
[3]: 张建军,《从无知朦胧走向成熟--谈〈阿拉比〉中的象征主义手法》,江苏教育学院学报(社会科学版),2004年l1月,P107—108
[4]:戴从容,乔伊斯小说的形式实验,北京:中国戏剧出版社,2005,P42-43
[5]:李漫萍,《寓意隽永的象征— 试论乔伊斯短篇小说的象征艺术》,广东教育学院学报,P27-31:2002年 11月
Works cited:
[1]: the textbook of our course.
[2]: 詹姆斯 乔伊斯[爱尔兰]著,孙梁等译:都柏林人,上海:上海译文出版社,1984
[3]: Derek Attridge, The Cambridge Companion to James Joyce, Shanghai: Shanghai Foreign Language Education Press, 2000
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